Melody

I couldn't keep my word before. It turns out that I somehow got tired and fell asleep, and the next day was a little hectic to think of writing here.

I love fantasies. I'm not talking about those things with swords and dragons etc. I'm talking about the things of the mind. The created worlds that are beautiful and limitless in its scope. It might be a world of rampant genetic engineering, or a celtic world alive with etched monoliths resonating with forgotten histories and mysterious life. Hieratic mumblings in Lovecraftian libraries as the sun sets in the orange sky, I can almost feel the cool yet moist air of the forests, and hear the flapping of the wings of the birds. And I just don't know what to do with it. Should I write it? Should I draw it? Should I read book after book perfecting the vision of the strange worlds in my mind?

Frankly, I'm doing all of them with no satisfying result. I possess no great talent in any of such things, thought they aren't anything too terrible either... But that's not the real problem. the real problem is, that no matter how much time I spend in perfecting the vision of the strange worlds in my mind, no matter how much I focus and research in order to make those worlds truly feel real in my own head, they are still fantasies. I cannot satisfy myself clearly knowing that all I think of will fade away to nothing no matter how I strive to perfect those vision in my head. The realization drives me to constantly seek the little strands of reality capable of making my visions come true. Indeed, that is the reason why I went into the field of science in the first place.

Yet even as I study deeper and deeper into the depths of my chosen field in science, it is not enough. I have no doubt that most of what I am capable of thinking will be possible sooner or later through the means and technology provided by advance of science, if the person wielding it has appropriate motivation and desire to do so. It is only that I am growing increasingly sure that I will not be around to see most, if any of my visions come into being in this world we share.

Maybe this is a predicament that concerns all people around my age. I just don't know what to do about it. Maybe I should learn to live this life in happiness, but my happiness concerns fulfillment of my desires, which is to give my visions a fruition in this world. Satisfying myself by choosing any other path would be simple defeat, an excuse I give to myself to make up for my lack of ability. At times like this I hope the technological singularity espoused by many of the transhumanists come true...